Optimistic to Pessimistic in the blink of an Eye

This week started out wonderful, even for a Monday. Sunday was even nearly fabulous. I went to all 3 long hours of church, studied and Monday morning I got up and passed an Accounting Exam, and had a great day at work! But today, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, and just laid in bed and thought. Now everyone knows that thinking while you're TTC and have failed many times, is not the best and especially in the week hours of the morning when you should be sleeping so you can get up at the same random hour as the days before to take your BBT.

*again I never finished this post but the blues finally passed.*

1 week...

It is exactly 1 week before my appointment with my ob/gyn. To be honest, I've never even gone to one before. I just went to my family physician to get check ups and put on birth control. I want to say that Dr. Family Physician b*tch, can kiss my @ss. She was the one that said I could be on Depo for quite a while and just before I want to get pregnant to not come in for the next shot. Thank goodness I started to slowly read up on in in October 2008, and decided that there was no chance in hell that I was going back for it.

Thankfully, our insurance changed and I was in a sense forced to find a new dr. My cousin is currently ttc as well, she is only a few months younger than me and was on a bc pill that is what from what I read similiar to depo, I believe they have only been trying for 6 months. She decided to make an appointment with her ob/gyn and they said to come on in and they would help her. Well I called the same day and they said we'll March 1st is the first opening. Well I took it! It seems like the told Cousin Dear that she had to chart for AT LEAST 4 months before they would help her.

Luckily the same day I called was the same day I started, which was the same day we bought the BBT. I will have a month worth of temperatures charted. I do know from fairly good memory what my periods have been like the last few months. I hope that 1 good month of charting and my knowledge of my period since October and the fact that I've been trying for 13 months now, will get things on my side. I will be pregnant this year. It's bound to happen, we just need a little help.

I'm slightly nervous about going in. I always get nervous about dr. appointments though. I hope that my appointment will be different than Cousin Dears.

......

Valentines day

Valentines day. I love my husband. He's been through a lot. We've been through a lot together. For valentines day he wrote me a list of 20 things that he loves about me. I know I don't tell him very often what things I love about him so I want to write a list for him right now while I'm at work.

1. I love his crazy/weird sense of humor. (We get along so well.)
2. I love his sensitive side.
   
3. I love his drive, he's constantly thinking and coming up with new ideas on how to take care of his family, (which for now includes me & Scout, our handsome little yorkie).
4. I love how he'll break down and have a spa night with me.
   
5. I love that he'll sit and watch love stories with me over and over again, even though he can't stand them.
6. I love the he tries his hardest to be interested in my hobbies.
   
7. I love that he is open to me doing whatever I want with my life.
8. I love his ability to make me laugh.
   
9. I love his smile. (even when I'm extremely upset at him he can just smile and I can't help but smile.)
10. I love his unique style.
    
11. I love how strong he is being with this TTC thing.
12. I love how he feels the need to be creative with cooking simple things.
    
13. I love his motivation.
14. I love his cheesy smile. (not the normal one, the one that is meant to throw ya off)
15. I love cuddling with him.
16. I love how he will be a "girlfriend" for me when i want a girls night.
17. I love how he supports me with school and work.
18. I love how he is willing to do anything to help me.
19. I love his round about way of cleaning up for me. (I am yet to see a wife approved cleaning but it's the thought that counts)
20. I love how he makes me smile.

BBT

I have decided to try out this Basal Body Thermometer to chart my cycle. My poor husband is the one that's going to pick it up today. I've done some research on them and I feel that it will be a good idea to start charting now so that when I visit a doctor I can say I've been charting for 3 months. I'm ready to get things going. I know I'm supposed to have kids. It's just something I know. I just don't know when, and I know when it's supposed to happen it'll happen.

*So Skyler ended up buy the BBT, which is so nice of him. I just hope it works out okay. I really want to know that this year is our year to have a baby.Hopefully I don't even really have to chart for 3 months and if I do hopefully it helps.

The Intro.

After a long inner-self debate, I've decided that to keep my sanity and to remain cool and collected in the presence of others I must write down my thoughts. I don't know if anyone will read this or even how long I'll post or even how often but for today I feel motivated. Life is hectic right now, so many new changes so much going on in life I even sometimes wonder how I deal with all of it.To start off I guess I'll give a little background information incase someone is a blog stalker like me and likes to learn about who they are reading about. (I'll explain this more later.) I will be 21 years old in a couple months. This fall I will be married for 2 years to my wonderful testing husband. I am the oldest daughter of 5 kids.

My issues are as follows:

My husbands family drives me up the wall most days... there is just something about each one that makes me want to scream. I know this is a problem with me, I need to work on it and yes I understand this but sometimes I just feel they are the problem and our lives would be much better without them this close. Well maybe it's not the closeness that bothers me, they don't even stop by and most live within honestly 2-3 minutes from us. It's frustrating to know they all visit and call each other but my husband and I are left out. We'll go for months without hearing from them. We've gone through some pretty serious things and no one was around to even just call and say hi.

My husband is a very unique soul. Him and I are actually quite similar in several areas just when it comes to interests we are definitely different. He's more outgoing whereas I am more conservative. I keep my feet on the ground, but do let my head dance in clouds once in a while. Just differences in personality so strong lead to arguments which are totally unnecessary. But at the same time it brings us closer and makes us a stronger couple.

We are currently trying to conceive (TTC). This is one of the major things I feel I will dwell on in this blog. This has been a long hard struggle for us. I know struggles have been longer and harder for other couples and they migh tlook at this and laugh but to us this is our current struggle. It all started with me getting on birth control. I still remember the day I went to the doctors to get on something. I was previously on the pill but I was very forgetfull and filling prescriptions and decided that was not going to be a good thing. We were living in an apartment after we got married and decided a 1 bedroom apartment was just not large enough for fitting for having a family. 3 months before we got married I went and got the Depo Provera Shot. I looked around at diff. birth control options and said hmm... maybe I'll ask about this so sure enough I went in and Dr. Idiot (this is my feeling about her as of now) said that would be perfect for you. In a year when you want to have kids just stop taking it and you'll be perfectly fine. Well I took the shot again in August and again in October. Things were pretty good. I did notice weight gain though, which was okay it wasn't much. In January we decided not to get back on Depo and just let whatever happens happen. We were currently in the process of buying a house and decided it was perfect timing. Fast forward 13 months later, still no baby.

Reading up on depo over the last 13 months has really opened my eyes and is making me worry. Most say 12-15 months after your last shot of depo you should get pregnant, well it hasn't happened yet. My cycle is normal for quite a while and then randomly out of the blue it screws up. I want a baby, my husband and I will both be finished with school by the time one pops out so it's perfect timing, he has a wonderful job and is looking for an even better one, hopefully today is the day. This post is long enough. I'm sure I'll post this and change the background and get going on another one so be ready.