Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I won.

I won. 

At least that's my side of the story. See things weren't always how they are now. SJ & I got married 8 months after we started dating, and we started dating about 2 weeks after we met. I wanted to marry him right away and we talked about it A LOT. I knew it'd be a little hard being married at first. I had heard that you have to get used to each other, and on top of that we hadn't known each other very long, so we had to still learn even more about each other. I was under prepared. 

SJ worked full time and his schedule varied, graves, days, and swing shift, we didn't know till that week and they could change it whenever they pleased. I worked full time too. He went to school. We didn't see each other much & we had only been married a couple months. Then something came up with his family. It's always his family. 

Well it kept getting worse, to the point where we didn't see his family, but they didn't call more than once every few months anyway. I am shy. Well not so much anymore. Over the last few years I've been put in some very interesting situations. Situations that have caused me to grow up and push that shy girl away. Well me being shy came off bad. So that never helped things, especially when we were over there. At several points I thought our marriage was over. 

At one point, I had pushed all my feelings away and was just living day to day. Just doing what I had to. I just knew we wouldn't work out. That's when we went to counseling. Yup, I'm admitting it. SJ & I went to counseling, only a few times, we started to figure it out again. Skip forward a year and we were pregnant, I wasn't ready to tell his family. His mom made a big deal about it. So we told them. 

Then after we had A, she was two weeks old and they came over to yell and scream. Why? Something I posted on Facebook. I was tired of people showing up hours late to see my daughter, and bringing more people then we had been told. I let people know. That got around his family. They told SJ to pick them or us. At that point I knew it was over & I knew I could never forgive them. 

So I told SJ to bring them over, I'd set them straight. So the next day, his 3 siblings, a SIL and his mother came over. My dad being the amazing person he is, sat outside in the car in case I needed him. I was going against these 5 people by myself.  And that's just what I did. 

I told them they never tried to be my friends, automatically took me being shy as something bad, they lied, they believed the lies told by one. They were upset they weren't told everything during my pregnancy, but hey if you don't call why in the heck should I tell you. I never once got a call/text/email asking how I was doing. Heck SJ's mom only called him a few times. 

They said it was all my fault. They continued to lie, they told me that I only got pregnant to try and save my marriage. And to tell you the truth, a lot of the problems came because I wasn't getting pregnant, I was hurt. I let it affect my marriage. I messed up. I said fine, I'll do whatever and I have. 

Things are wonderful here at home now. I go to their family things and I sit there and try and make small talk, but you know what they haven't changed. They haven't called/texted/emailed or really stopped by. I told them I needed those things & nothing. I've done my part, but what about theirs? 

SJ has noticed this. He's noticed they've lied & he believes me now & apologizes for not knowing before. He's noticed they have empty promises. He's noticed that while they are his family, they only family he needs to worry about now is his own, Miss A & I. 

They aren't getting rid of me. I'm here forever. 
I won.

I am linking up with the wonderful Shell for PYHO.

8 comments:

Self Sagacity said...

Congrats, it's important to have your spouse on your side as well as having his support, after all you are with each other "a lot."
new follower.

Kathy Kramer said...

I can feel your pain. I've had to deal with difficult in laws. My MIL is mentally ill, not being treated for it, and she has been harassing us and stalking her own son for awhile now. It's come down to him writing a "no contact" letter and threatening her with a restraining order if she doesn't stop. It came to this because she has no concept of boundaries. She has been trying to break us up for 12 years now. My husband wants nothing to do with her. There is a part of me that is glad that we did not have kids together (I have a son from a previous marriage).

Not sure if you're familiar with it, but there is a community called DIL Society at dilsociety.com (or you can google it). It's a support group for people having problems with their IL's.

Shell said...

In-laws can cause so much stress! I'm glad your husband is seeing how they really are.

Jackie said...

Sounds like things are back on the right track and will keep on that way! Congratulations!

Recovering Supermom said...

Holy cow...you've been through a lot. I'm glad your husband has seen the light.

Infertile Mormon Mommy said...

Oh the In-Laws... the things I could tell you... but I will just say that I know your pain. But good for you for winning! :)

JustHeather said...

That's a lot to handle from the in-laws, especially right after you've given birth. Sorry it went to such a head-on experience, but it sounds like it has worked out for the best for you and your husband. May things continue to be good for you 3.

p.s. Thanks for stopping by during ICLW and commenting. (I've been a bit slow at times.)

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

So happy SJ has seen the light. It is hard to accept that sometimes your family isn't as good as you think they are. You and the Ms. A are his family now. Sounds like he is pretty happy with that!
Happy New Year to you and your beautiful family!!
Oh, before I forget...so excited to see that I made it to your list of 1st things that happened in your blogging world in 2011. The giveaway was a lot of fun & your bows are awesome. Let me know when the Etsy shop is up and I'll help do some promoting for it. xo!
Oh, one more thing...love the design change for the new year!! Too cute!!

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