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Wednesday, February 8, 2012


I had this friend, Cody. We actually met online when I lived in Cali. He was one of my best friends, we would talk on the phone for hours, we have so much in common. Large families, half mexican, half white, one parent with health problems, same religious background, just tons in common. When I moved to Utah, he moved to Utah and lived with his Aunt & cousins, he also got a job working with my Aunt & Uncle. My sister would always joke that we would get married. Then he left. After he left, I met Skyler and when I announced we were getting married, he sent me an email.

I was surprised to hear from him. Happy even. Until I read it. He told me that I was stupid for getting married so young. He expected better from me. And a whole bunch of other rude crap. I couldn't believe it. Why would someone send something so hurtful? My best friend even. So why I do I tell you this?

Well Cody posted on good ole Facebook, that he's engaged. The first thing I thought, was I'm so happy for him. Then I remembered what he had done to me, and I wanted to do the same back to him. Show him what it feels like to have your friend treat you like that. I didn't. I made sure to tell him congrats. It felt good. It felt better when I got a text from him telling me thanks, and asking for my address. 

I just couldn't do it to him. He's my friend, he was my best friend at some point and just to clear it up, we never dated and never thought/talked about it. I tried to keep in contact after I got married, it didn't work too well. He was always changing his number, doing this, doing that. I miss my best friend. I wish him the best. I want him to be happy. I want him to enjoy life. I want him back in my life. He lives in another state, it'd be nice to know that we can still be friends, especially now with him getting married. 

After this happened, I went to my in-law's Superbowl party. (BLAH!) Nothing has changed there. Yeah, I'll sit there and talk to them, but outside of their get together's, I get nothing from them. The worst SIL of all, well I guess I can't say worst, let's say the one I've had the most problems with, she asked her Step-Sister to come help her decorate her house right in front of me, after asking me tons of times to help her, I've just been waiting on her. I can't do it. I need a friend back. I need one IRL. Someone I can say, hey meet me here, or hey, come over I'm cleaning and want to talk. 

I just feel like there isn't a place for me, other than at home with A, like I don't fit in somewhere else. I don't know what brought this on, it couldn't have just been that announcement. Right now, I'm just feeling blah! 


Sandra said...

It's easy to get lost in how others treat or even think about you, isn't it? I think as a women that it's easy to do, at least for me it is! I just want to encourage you that your worth isn't caught up in your friend or in-laws, thankfully. Hang in there and be you and real and genuine relationships will make their way in, ones that uplift and encourage and want the best of and from you. :)

Thanks for pouring your heart out!

Teresa said...

It sounds to me like Cody had a crush on you but never the guts to act on it and then was kicking himself for missing the chance. It is his loss. Funny, my son's name is Cody! AND I am half mexican. But I live in NY, so we can't grab a coffee. Hang in there!

visiting from Shell's place.

Shell said...

Good for you for being the bigger person. It had to be tempting to dish it right back out.

The Preppy Girl in Pink said...

Sara, I wish we lived closer. I would totally hang out with you! Friends are so important. Maybe you could start a moms group in your neighborhood or church. I found the best friends that way. Reach out when you are alone. I'm sure that there will be lots of people who will grasp your hand. xo!

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

HUGS Mama, it's so hard, as our lives change, to find our niche. You will, though. After spending the first 23 years of my life in one place (my parents STILL live in the house they brought me home to), I moved every two years or so until I settled here 4 years ago. In each place, I took with me one really good friend. Some of them I kept in touch with, some of them not, but in each place, I always had one go-to person. You'll find yours, but I know it's hard.

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