Target Tuesday

I need some new church clothes, I love this skirt.

Love this color. 

And because I can't go somewhere without looking at shoes, these shoes look comfy & casual.

And seriously what the heck?

I don't know how an adult would want to have a pair of these. I can't help but laugh every time I see a pair.

Trying.

I feel lost right now. Maybe lost isn't the right word. I find myself searching for a change.Searching for something to make life different. I love my life, don't get me wrong.I just feel like I'm not doing enough.

 I haven't blogged much lately, I feel like I need to figure things out. Need to find a direction to go. I have some really fun ideas, I just need to actually do it. After blogging about my in-laws, I made one last attempt at trying to get a conversation started with them. Nothing in response. I'm over it, but I know that's not where response I should have. I  feel stuck, like it's an obligation to be friends with Skyler's family. I feel like if I don't things will go bad, again, but at the same time I don't have anymore room for hurt & disappointment from them.  

I just need to get over this bump. I may have forgiven, though I'm not sure, but I definitely haven't forgotten. I've received a lot of comments on prior blog posts concerning my in-laws and many of those suggest prayer. Pray for them. I've tried. I've spent many nights praying for them, praying for me to forgive them, for me to be able to forget & move one. I've prayed for the ability to understand them. 

It hasn't worked. I'm sick of praying for them. I know that is when I should pray, I just can't anymore. It has been over a year, I still have dreams of arguments. I can't do it. How else do you forgive & forget when the other side, hasn't done anything? I just need to be able to push them out of my mind, but I can't. I'm stuck with them forever. 

I'm trying. I'm trying to better myself. Trying to stay positive on everything. Trying to figure it out. Trying to forgive. Trying to forget. I don't what more to do. I'm just in a state of blah when it comes to the situation. I'm just here. Trying to figure it all out. 

Nails!

Glitter! While house/dog sitting at my parent's house, I found this cute nail polish! Love it!

But I'm most definitely thinking I'll put it on my toes instead. 

12 months.

How did this happen Miss A?

How are you a year old?

At 1 years old, you are 22 lbs 13 oz, 30 3/4 in long, your head is: (I'll fill this in later) around.

You wear 18 month clothes, size 3 shoes, size 3 diapers.

You are an amazing little girl.

 Your personality is amazing.

 I love you more than anything. 

You have 6 teeth, 4 on top 2 on bottom. 

You still nurse & eat regular food. You don't sleep through the night again, yet. We're working on it, and your doctor said it could take quite a while. 

You wore your first set of pig tails.

You stand, walk around everything, try and climb. You love to play in the kennel at Grandma's house.

 You love to color, play with stickers and balls. 

You still love Tangled & Blue's Clues, we tried out Rio & you like that too. You cook & love to put things between your toes!

You love to read. You still only say  "da-da", and something that sounds like "don't". You love to clean up. You also love to play in the toilet paper.

You got your birthday pictures taken a couple days before you turned 1. I can't wait to print them off  bigger & put them up in your room. You go to church, but  would much rather crawl around the empty classrooms.

Scout.

Blog friends, meet Scout.

My adorable 3lb miniature yorkie.

He goes by Scout, Lickity, Lickity Lou, Lou, Scouter, Scavenger and several other names.

He was adopted by the hubs and I in 2009, after we bought our home.

He was Born January 3rd, 2008.

The first family he was with couldn't handle a hyper puppy with their old dog, so he was passed along, the next family was abusive, very badly. Then he was brought to my parent's who have 2 other yorkies and a chihuahua. There he learned what it was like to be the only boy dog, what it was like to have "sisters". He learned what it was like to be loved, to have food whenever he needed it. He slept in a bed with someone. He learned what love was.

In June 2009, my parent's were having a hard time handling the hyper little puppy, who liked to run away, got in fights with the other puppies and just was over all being a naughty puppy. We took him in.

He is the only dog in our home. He was our baby before Miss A.

He is now house trained and is a lot calmer, though he rarely allows for his hair to be cut, his nails never, and he does have a barking problem. He's much better. He's relaxed. I think he knows he is home. He might still have emotional problems from being abused, making him very jumpy and a little strange, but we love him.

He loves us, he loves A. He's often found snuggling by her when she's napping. He also enjoys laying in the sun in her room while she reads to him. I'm yet to get a picture of it but it's adorable.

Birthday Pics Part 2

PYHO

I'm at a standstill.

I'm just here, waiting.

Waiting to see what happens.

Waiting to see what if I can figure out what to do next.

You see, it's been a year since (almost to the day) that  I had "the talk" with my in-laws.

A year since: I told them about all the lies their favorite sister told, since I told them how much they suck at being in-laws, called them on all the times they broke plans without telling me, how I waited for hours to hear from them and got nothing.

A year since I told them I wasn't outgoing, I kept to myself and don't like everyone in on everything ALL the time. A year since I told them if they would just give me time I would get to know them and things could be better. 

A year since they tried to break up my marriage. A year since they said I only had A to try and save my marriage. A year since they told husband to choose between me & A, and them. A year since I had accepted that my marriage was over because of the group of idiots my husband is related to.

You see, in that year, I opened up my heart and life, to allow them into it, and you know what, I got nothing. No phone calls, no texts, emails, nothing. I wasn't invited to anything, no plans were ever made. Nothing. They live 2 minutes away. They get together. They go out. They make plans. I'm not included.

What do I do? I've talked to my husband. He says I should keep trying with them. I'm over it. I'm to the point that I don't care if A doesn't see them or know them. It's not like they make an effort to see her or know her. I don't know what to do. It's been a year, they haven't changed. I just don't know anymore. Is it even worth it? What would you do?

Happy 2nd anniversary PYHO! 

Birthday Pictures Take 1!

Women.

I wish I had a list of 10 women that changed my life, 10 women I would like to meet or something different than what I'm about to post. After seeing what the topic was for this week, I just knew I had to try and get out of my little comfort zone, and that's how I came up with this list.

Things I like About....

See I am a woman, I want to inspire, I want to be seen as an example. I want to find confidence that I once had for a moment.

7 Things I like About Myself.

My hair. Though it gives me a heck of a fight in the mornings, it is thick and dark and pretty easy to style when you know how to handle it.

I'm a great mom. I love A, I spend all day on the floor playing with her, we make huge messes, and hardly get things clean before Skyler comes home, but she loves it. She's learned so much. 

My Imagination. I can sit and play with kids for hours. I can pretend to camp, to see bears. I remember the first time I got my nephew to use his imagination, it was amazing, it seems like a lot of the adults I know forget to have an imagination. 

My fingers. They can type, play piano, create. They are a comfort to my daughter, who's hands are too small to wrap around more than just a couple fingers.

My smile. I wore braces twice, it's not my own natural smile, but it's mine, and I love it. It's made me who I am the years my teeth were crooked, up until 3 grade when I got my first set of braces, I was made fun of and didn't want to show my smile, but now, I love to smile. It's amazing what a smile can do. 

My conscience. It keeps me from doing anything I would regret. Just the thought of having a guilty feeling makes me sick. 

My heart. I get hurt easy but I think it helps me from hurting others. There is enough love in it for everyone. 

It's Okay!

I haven't gone shopping since I was pregnant, like really shopping.

My weight was all over the place up then down then really up & up (thanks PCOS).

Well since I've lost my baby weight and am now 5lbs under it, I figured I should go shopping! I've consistently maintained this weight for almost 3 months! (Go me!) 

Tuesday I went shopping. I tried on a pair of jeans, a size smaller than what I was before A, and you know what! They fit!

It's okay that I squealed a bit about this quite loudly in the fitting room!

It's okay that those jeans run a bit big.

It's okay that the other 2 jeans I bought, were in the size I was before A. 

It's okay that I got a little sad about the other two pairs. 

It's okay that I smiled knowing I at least got one in a smaller size.

It's okay that I wrote this post early because, I was so excited about the smaller size that I just HAD to find a way to share with lots of people!

She's Crazy.

Remember this is MY blog, these are MY feelings, how I see things.

That being said, I'm tired of the complaints of someone I know. Complaining on FB about things they CHOSE to have in their life. Yes there are some things we CAN'T choose, but you DO NOT need to complain about them ALL the time. EVERYONE has something they wish they didn't. I TRY, (key word, TRY) not to complain about things too much, things that have happened in my life at least. I wish this person would do the same.

Why not delete them? It's a family member. Someone that would cause a scene if I deleted them. If something is going to be too much for you to handle, don't do it, or stop doing it! I don't know, I just hate people that complain ALL the time. Like seriously you CANNOT have a conversation with this person WITHOUT them complaining. Sometimes we all need to complain a bit, but when you constantly do it, I could smack you.

I have my own share of problems that make day to day things difficult for me. I have bad hips, it hurts to sit, stand, lay down, walk, pretty much anything. If I can't move and adjust myself 4 million times I will be in A LOT of pain the next day. This is why working out is hard, I can only do so much especially when it comes to anything that involves my hips. BUT I choose not to complain about it. It doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't make it disappear. 

Chasing A around and crawling and climbing every where with her is amazing, but it hurts. I wouldn't give it up for anything though. I would much rather be in pain then not enjoying my time with her. This person seems to complain about having to care for her children. Saying it's hard, well she knew her problems before she had her kids, (& I am NOT saying she shouldn't of had kids, or that she doesn't love her kids, she does) she needs to just shut up and move on. 

I don't know, just today, her complaining is pushing me to the edge. Maybe it's because she won't ask me for help. One day she left her kids and her brother's kid at school and they called my husband who works 1 1/2 hours away to see if he could get them, when I live 5 friggin' minutes from their school. She won't ask me for help because she's crazy and made stuff up and believes it. Oh and no one else will ask me for help, won't even ask me to bring anything to parties even if I offer BUT will ask everyone else. 

I'm pissed. I really am. When will this family grow up and realize they are crazy. Okay that was a little harsh but it's what I'm feeling at this moment. I needed to vent. I needed to let my blog be MY blog. 

Hope you all are doing well!

Wordless Wednesday.

Just a quick sneak peak at her 1 year old pictures!

Target Tuesday.

These:

In EVERY color. 

Different, but cute. 

These are even pretty cute, in a different color. 

And for Miss A

Can't wait for warmer weather to get her some cute sandals!!

Monday Listicle.

First things first, check out today's other post. Someone special is there.

10 Things I am NOT Good At

Forgetting. I remember everything. Things that I did when I was younger that were awkward, or embarrassing moments, that NO ONE remembers, I remember. I also remember what you did to wrong me.


Forgiving. If you've been reading for a while, you know I have problems with my in-laws & things have happened and they have said things, that I just have a hard time forgiving.

Talking on the Phone.  I feel awkward on the phone, I don't like talking to people like our insurance company, because I have NO idea what is going on. My parent's handled everything for me and now my husband does. I'm awful when it comes to calling people, I am so out of place.

Making friends. I'm shy, unless you talk to me, then I don't stop talking. I'm a good friend.

Clearing my mind.  If something is bothering me, it will eat at me until I just can't do it anymore. Unless I do Pilates. The one work out my body can handle. It relaxes me which brings me to...

Keeping up with my exercise routine. I need to. I love it. I feel great when I do. I can push through, I just don't have the motivation to do it. I need someone to push me, encourage me.

Trusting people with A. I have only left A with my mom, my brother & his fiance, and her dad. I don't dare leave her with Sky's family. I just don't trust them enough to leave my baby with them..

Keeping my hair the same color. I love a change in my look. I used to color my hair twice a month, change it up, now it's like once every few months, but I still can't just keep in the same.

Planning meals. It's too hard to plan meals when I just don't know what to make! There are three of us, Sky needs lunch made so that's like 4, and well, I just don't know what will sound good that day. I would honestly go shopping every day if it wouldn't drive me crazy. I plan to work on this when Sky starts his new job.

Keeping my car clean. It's so much easier to just throw stuff in the back seat, like mail, or A's change of clothes or blankets.

Birthday Girl

Wait, come closer.

It's my birthday?

AHH! 

Happy 1st birthday, sweet baby girl!