Saturday, March 24, 2012

Trying.

I feel lost right now. Maybe lost isn't the right word. I find myself searching for a change.Searching for something to make life different. I love my life, don't get me wrong.I just feel like I'm not doing enough.

 I haven't blogged much lately, I feel like I need to figure things out. Need to find a direction to go. I have some really fun ideas, I just need to actually do it. After blogging about my in-laws, I made one last attempt at trying to get a conversation started with them. Nothing in response. I'm over it, but I know that's not where response I should have. I  feel stuck, like it's an obligation to be friends with Skyler's family. I feel like if I don't things will go bad, again, but at the same time I don't have anymore room for hurt & disappointment from them.  

I just need to get over this bump. I may have forgiven, though I'm not sure, but I definitely haven't forgotten. I've received a lot of comments on prior blog posts concerning my in-laws and many of those suggest prayer. Pray for them. I've tried. I've spent many nights praying for them, praying for me to forgive them, for me to be able to forget & move one. I've prayed for the ability to understand them. 

It hasn't worked. I'm sick of praying for them. I know that is when I should pray, I just can't anymore. It has been over a year, I still have dreams of arguments. I can't do it. How else do you forgive & forget when the other side, hasn't done anything? I just need to be able to push them out of my mind, but I can't. I'm stuck with them forever. 

I'm trying. I'm trying to better myself. Trying to stay positive on everything. Trying to figure it out. Trying to forgive. Trying to forget. I don't what more to do. I'm just in a state of blah when it comes to the situation. I'm just here. Trying to figure it all out. 

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