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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Last Few Days.

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I don't know what it is lately that's got me down. 

Okay so I lied, I do. 

We started the TTC roller coaster a few months back, we're just barely starting the ride. I thought I could be stronger this time around, but you know what, it still hurts.

Pregnancy announcements from friends make me so happy, I really am so very happy for them. Pregnancy announcements from my super fertile family, meh not so much. Pregnancy scares from in-laws, meh even less, what's with that family?

I don't know what it is. 

Lying again. 

It's because we're starting over again, & I'm not sure I'm strong enough.

What hurts most and has put me in a strange rut this week, was a couple things my husband has said. 
"Are you baby hungry, because I am, I want to have another baby in the house now."

"Is anything growing in there, is there something in there growing to join our family?"
(While so kindly poking at the fat on my stomach.)

I know this is just the start of our journey, but how long this one will be, I don't know. 
It'd be much easier to have a timeline to just look at & go, oh I see THAT is when it's going to happen. Then just go on planning on that.

Honestly, 25/30 days I'm fine, I'm cautiously optimistic. I don't get my hopes up, I remember all that I have and so appreciative for that. It's just the last few that bring me down. 

The last few that have me pondering whether I'm up for this journey again or not. 
It's during the last few that I pray a little harder, squeeze my husband just a bit tighter, give my daughter hugs & kisses just a bit more often.

It's the last few days that I find myself clinging to my support group the friends I have made through blogging. 

Knowing I can come to my blog & be me, or just escape gives me a little extra push through the last few days.

p.s. A super cute blogger is having her first giveaway today! Go check it out!
& another super cute blogger is celebrating her Etsy shop's grand opening here!


Julie said...

Hi Sara! Thanks for visiting my blog. I just followed your blog via GFC. I'd love for you to follow mine back. :)


Erika said...

I'm glad you posted this! I'm new to your blog (I found you through ICLW). My little guy is only 5 months old and we're already getting the "when are you having another?" question. I know that it is still super early to be worrying about it, but it took us a lot of time, effort, and disappointment to get pregnant with #1. While the thought of a baby #2 makes me excited, the thought of the the process to obtaining baby #2 does not. I thought that once I had #1 that I'd be done with all those old infertility feelings... not always so much. Though I'm incredibly grateful for what I've been blessed with, I'm glad to know that someone else has "those days" too.

Unknown said...

Hi Sara! Thanks for being so true with us. Best wishes for you and your hubby!

xoxo ♥ -Shar

Aramelle {One Wheeler's World} said...

My heart breaks knowing what you're going through. I admire you for going down this path again. The fear of going through the nightmare of TTC all over again is part of what led us to deciding that Runt will be our one and only.

I pray that this will be a short journey for you and that you'll soon be snuggling your new addition in your arms.

Anonymous said...

This post was so heartfelt. Keep strong Sara and keep the faith. I am a firm believer in the little saying, 'everything happens in its own time.' I am sending you positive vibes and the best wishes. xo

New GFC follower from the blog hop. Super sweet blog you have here. When you get a chance, if you'd like to visit me too, you can find me here, The Things We Find Inside


Anonymous said...

Oh, I hear ya! I understand this COMPLETELY. Going through all of this again -- and even with a few new twists and turns -- is a drag. It sucks as much as the first time around. And the pregnancy announcements still hurt. You're not alone in this!

Unknown said...

Thanks so much for mentioning my giveaway! Following your blog!

Wendy said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I have a very close friend that is going through this as well and I have seen how hard the rollercoaster can be. Please know that I will be praying for you.

Emily said...

Sara-Thanks for visiting my blog, I am your newest follower. Virtual hug, ha! and know I will be praying for ya.

Your mom said...

I just want to hug you!

I'm sorry for the insensitive belly poker. I've never understood what makes people think they have the right to ask about our intimate lives/creation. I mean, when someone asks, "Are you going to have another baby?" they think it's a simple question but they are really asking things like, "oh you are struggling with infertility? Well let me make this more hurtful? " or "how is your home life and sexual satisfaction with your husband?" or "can you afford to have another child?" Seriously, the last time someone asked me when I was going to have another baby I replied (because I'm brazen, that's why), "When are you going to lose 10 pounds?' The person was shocked but I explained that like weight, the decision to try for, work for, and carry a child is personal and I didn't want to divulge such information.

Nicole said...

I know what you mean! Our nugget turned 8 months today and we're already getting the "when are you having the next one?" questions. It felt like it took forever the first time, and the heartbreak you feel each month gets tougher and tougher. We had some abnormal readings and whathaveyou early on, so we were over halfway through the pregnancy before we could even enjoy it and let out a sigh of relief! I'm so glad you posted this. So honest. And I think it helps everyone going through this same struggle to know we're not alone. I'm not quite ready yet, but I know it won't be too much longer! So, hugs!

And thanks so much for the shoutout! I totally appreciate it! Hope you'll stop by Me + the Moon and link-up for Find + Follow Friday this week :)

Unknown said...

You're a sweet girl! Hello from the hop!

come say hi at and have a great night!


Mommys Juice said...

Keep your head up!! It all happens for a reason.
Thanks for stopping by Mommy's Juice today, new follower from the hop.

Unknown said...

I was so blessed to read your post! Though we have a full house we are quietly praying for a miracle.... i am praying that you get your miracle... STAT!!! Thanks for stopping by my blog today! Your newest follower... Denise@

Shell said...

I'm so sorry you are struggling with this- I'm glad you have the support from the blogging community to share in this. xo

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