Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Moments.


"And one on the way! These are the best days of your life." Just a simple 13 words spoken to me as I pushed my 3 year old through the grocery store. Little did that elderly gentleman know that, I truly believe those words. 




33 weeks pregnant with our fourth daughter and I'm still amazed by each day and each moment I have with my daughters. It was only 9 years ago that our journey to grow our family started. Married for 2 years but, feeling the need to start a family strongly. Something telling me that it wasn't going to be the easiest journey for us. 

I was right, almost 2 years is what it took to finally get the "positive" we we had been praying for. Those moments are hidden back in posts that I have long forgotten about but, the pain still feels fresh. 7 years ago we continued our journey, this time with new obstacles, but a bit more hope of giving our sweet girl a sibling. A year and a half and another morning sickness filled pregnancy brought her the sister we'd been waiting on. 

Baby number 3 was different. We knew the routine and were more relaxed through the journey. This trip was shorter, the pregnancy just as full of morning sickness but worth every moment, when we had our sweet nearly Christmas baby join us. For a couple years it felt like our family was where it needed to be. Sometimes I quietly wondered if that was it for us, if I felt like my family was finally done growing? 

Once I thought I could say it out loud, I found myself quickly corrected. This wasn't right, my family wasn't complete, I couldn't just move on and push this feeling away. So again we found ourselves on maybe our most difficult journey. The twists and turns this time hurt in an entirely new way. I wanted to give up, didn't think I could keep going, but knew that I couldn't give up hope on this baby. Sure enough, many months & tears later we the "positive" was finally ours. 

Seeing baby number 4's heartbeat at my first ultrasound absolutely made every moment of this journey to conceive worth it. During a trip to the ER just past 12 weeks I was oddly calm, just having this feeling that our sweet baby would be fine. Jump to 16 weeks, when doctor was surprised that baby number 4 was another girl, our fourth. There wasn't an ounce of sadness to be found from me. My baby was growing and healthy and she was going to be perfect just like her sisters.

This pregnancy has been a different whirlwind, but nonetheless amazing. I go to bed and wake up with 3 sweet girls wanting to curl up and talk to baby. I have a wonderful husband, who has made sure he has kept us financially supported so I am able to stay home and raise our daughters. I've been there for everything with them. I've witnessed every first. I am the first one they see in the morning and the last one to steal a kiss at night. 

My days might be hard at times, each one comes with a different struggle, but I wouldn't change any of it. I learn from the constantly. They make me a better, stronger person. These really are the best days of my life, and I know they're only about to get better.


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