Wednesday, August 10, 2011

PYHO: Body Image


I feel great. 
I feel awful.
I look good for having a baby 5 months ago.
I should look better, I did have my baby 5 months ago.

This back and forth goes through my head everyday. Even now as I type this all out I'm thinking, umm yes, it has been 5 months, you slacker! 

Body image, why is there such a flip flop, back and forth with you?! I love you, I hate you. We might be friends, I definitely don't like you. It is no surprise that you're body is completely different after you have a baby! You would think that your brain/heart would get this memo. 

If only there were a pill to fix it all. 
A pill for the saggy tummy. A pill for the stretch marks. A pill for the extra 10 lbs that you haven't lost yet. A pill to help you find motivation to workout. Fact is, I love my body, mostly. Every stretch mark and extra pound reminds me of the accomplishment I made, the trial we over came. I love it. I love my little girl and if my body reacts this way or worse after each baby I'll accept it. 

But the woman behind the mom, she feels different. She wakes up in the morning feeling great, jumps in the shower, puts her "sexy underwear" on, you know the kind that makes you feel good. She does her hair, her make up, shes feeling great. Then it comes time to find something to wear. This is wear she hurts. The jeans hug her thighs different than before, they button tighter, after being buttoned they hug the love handles making a nice muffin top. The shirts cling to the saggy tummy. They are too short, too stretched out. They just aren't right. Skirts? Are you kidding me?! They show off her very white legs, that once used to be tan. To top it off they just don't fit right anymore either. This woman doesn't feel beautiful. 

This woman doesn't do much about it. She'll have good weeks where she'll loose a few pounds. She'll feel great, then it just stops. She decides meh one more dr. pepper isn't going to kill her. She decides to buy and elliptical, which her husband uses, but she is yet to. And when she decides to try it out for the first time, it burns. It's hard to breathe. She can't handle it. She stops after 5 minutes. Only 5. She's disappointed. Now its too late. She has a baby to nurse, laundry to do, kitchen to clean, lunch to make. The scale isn't her friend. She promises to try harder tomorrow. Which she just might. She'll up her water intake. Won't eat after 8. We'll see how this goes. 

Her husband loves the way she looks. She doesn't understand though. She's not who she used to be. She'll get there though. Her family figures she should starve herself and workout like crazy. She won't. She nurses. She would rather spend as much time as possible with her baby, though she is motivated now to workout even if it's 5 minutes here and there.

That woman is inside me. I'm not sure if you have that woman in you, but it's there in me. I feel great, I feel fat. I have motivation but with lack of encouragement I lose all motivation. I just want to feel good. I want my family to zip it and get on with it. My mom had an eating disorder when she was younger, up until she had a heart attack about 11 years ago. Though she is unable to take care of herself she still thinks people need to be skinny. 
All 3 of my sister's have had a problem there. My sister, Sissy, goes through phases, with being anorexic, bullemic, now she just eats well and works out a bunch. My sister, L who is 17 and 9 mo pregnant has always been anorexic since I can remember, and her and my mom celebrate that she is still so skinny. She has gained weight, her baby is healthy and her pregnancy is great, she's doing the right thing, she just started out too too skinny, so now she's just too skinny. And my baby sister R, works out and is very strict with her diet. My brother is skinny and my dad is also. If you've gained any weight in my family, you're too different. It's noticeable. I feel awful, I feel great. They don't get how hard it is to lose weight without much motivation. 

All I know is it hurts. I know this wasn't too deep. Its just been on my mind this last week. Especially today. I needed to write something, anything.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Tuesday Fun



I LOVE LOVE LOVE when these two get together! My posts are going to be short and pretty plain, my week is quickly ending and I have so many projects to come, (let's hope I can get some pictures up soon of my project). Anyway, today we picked Cousin Cadin up at about 10 and we played till about 4:30. They napped together, watched Blue's Clues together and even played hide and go seek! Can't wait for her to be more mobile and for her to be running around with him!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Perfect.

First off, I'm so glad to see so many new followers! I'll be getting onto my computer in the a.m. to return the follow and I can't wait to get to know you guys better! I also think I've finally gotten the hang of this blogging thing, so here's to all the many posts I hope to bing you in the future!

Right now as I lay in bed, there is silence across my house, well almost, the AC is on and the baby monitor is on next to me also. But as I lay here I think of all the things I could be doing, all the things I should be doing, I mean I have a friend flying in at 8:51pm Monday night to stay a night with us before moving on to be with her sister Tuesday evening, my house is no where near how I want it to look, though to the outsider walking in or the quick visitor my house looks clean, but I know it's not, the list is never ending. Everything has it's place. But rather than get up and get to cleaning I push all that to the back of my mind and just lay and take life in. Just a year ago I was coming up on my 2 year anniversary, I was also coming up on my 10 week OB Appt, the year before that? I was about 7 months into TTC, my marriage was suffering and life wasn't right.

This year? I'm laying in bed next to my sleeping husband, things couldn't be better in our marriage, but best of all my bedroom door is open, there is a night light in the hall bathroom, a scentsy warmer in my bathroom, because just across the hall, in a room I prayed for to be filled my little girl is fast asleep. Life is perfect. I know around 6 I'll start to hear le sounds on the monitor, I'll climb out of bed and as I walk into her room I'll get a sweet smile and a warm snuggle as I pick her up. We'll make our way back to my bed and after she nurses we'll cuddle. When she wakes up a little later I'll see the beautiful smile and once again remember how perfect my life is, even if my house is a mess, my hair is wild, I have the most beautiful perfect little girl.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

True Life: I'm a General Blogger!



About Me.

Me.


I'm married.


To this awesome guy.

We have a house.

We have a dog, a miniature yorkie, Scout.

July 11, 2010 I found out I was pregnant after 18 months of TTC with PCOS.


12:35 am, March 5, 2011, I gave birth to miss Abigail Cheyenne.


This post is also found on my about me page, but I think that it's a great way to get to know me and what my blog is about. 
Can't wait to get to know other "general bloggers" like me.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Quick Saturday Post.

Little sister's baby shower was today. I did pretty awesome. I showed those people how to throw a shower if you're short on time. Oh yeah. It was pretty good. People seemed to have fun. The games were fun. She got a fair amount of gifts. She felt special. It was great. My mom's mom showed up and wouldn't even look at me, nor talk to me, but she held my baby almost the whole time. She's never seen Abigail before so that was nice. Only took her 5 months, oh well. Well I'm going to get to my date night with my hot hubby and beautiful little girl. I'll post pics of the baby shower later. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
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